Stop saying I feel like a failure as a mother.
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I feel like a failure as a mother, and my kids deserve a mom who isn’t falling apart?
If you’re reading this while hiding in the bathroom, or lying in bed at 11 PM staring at the ceiling and wondering where today went off the rails, I see you. I know exactly what it feels like to be totally done before the day even starts.
Most of us are out here trying to parent while juggling a mental load that would make a professional project manager cry, syncing schedules, meltdowns, meals, cleaning, and all our own unprocessed baggage.
That feeling of failure? It usually doesn’t come from the big stuff. It’s rarely because we did something actually awful. It’s the slow drip of all the little fails. It’s constantly telling yourself that you should be doing better can add even more guilt and pressure. The American Psychological Association recommends challenging these unrealistic expectations and reducing the ‘shoulds’ we place on ourselves as parents.
GET OUT OF THE : I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE AS A MOTHER.
1) Change the sensory input:
If the noise is what’s pushing you over the edge, grab some noise-reducing headphones or even just pop in some earplugs. You can still see your kids and keep them safe, but the screaming you hear isn’t so intense. Seriously, total game changer. The first time I tried this, I felt so guilty, like I was ignoring them. But I realized that by turning down the noise, I became calmer because my ears weren’t being physically attacked by sound.
2) The Water Reset
If you feel the rage or the tears coming and you can’t stop it, go to the sink. Ask your partner to keep your kids and go take a shower or splash ice-cold water on your face. Or, if the kids are safe in a playpen or another room, grab an ice cube and hold it in your hand until it melts.
This forces your brain to switch from emotional panic mode to physical sensation mode. It breaks the loop of “I’m a bad mom, I’m failing, I can’t do this.” Even just a few seconds can help.
Lower that bar all the way to the floor. Seriously, just drop it.
If you’re feeling like this, stop trying to be this false perfect version of yourself. Forget the educational activity or the healthy dinner. Just let it go for now. Give yourself a break. Even a 5 minutes break is a good reset button.
3) Let it go !
One or 2 times a week, when I feel too stressed, I go full on survival mode. It’s snack dinner at our house: cheese, crackers, maybe some grapes if I’m feeling fancy. The toys are staying right where they are (on the floor), and the laundry can hang out in the dryer for another three days. Your only job for the next few hours? Survive and keep everyone mostly safe. That’s it, just let yourself go, let the perfection flies out of the window, leave your cellphone in your room and let it go, you’ll feel better !
4) Give yourself permission to be mid
We all think we have to be “on” 24/7, but you don’t have to be a Pinterest or Tik Tok mom mode today. You just have to be a good enough mom. If your kids are fed, loved, and not in danger, you’ve totally won the day. Seriously. Make a list of what your Minimum Viable Day looks like: the absolute bare minimum to keep things running. Write it down and slap it on the fridge if you need to.
- Kids are fed.
- Kids are clean-ish.
- No one is bleeding.
- I drank one glass of water. On the days when you feel like you’re failing, that’s your goal. If you hit those four things, you won.
- Everything else? That’s just extra credit. Gold star for you! For me, it’s 15 minutes before the kids wake up or 20 minutes after they go to bed find a window where nobody is touching you. Even if it’s just five minutes. I used to use my quiet window to catch up on chores. Not anymore. Now, I use that time to do absolutely nothing. I sit. I stare at the wall. I scroll through memes. I remind myself I’m a person, not just a snack-fetcher and mess-cleaner for tiny humans.
5) Stop the Comparison-game !
If there’s an account on Instagram or Facebook that makes you feel like you’re failing, unfollow it. I don’t care if their tips are helpful. If their page makes you feel less-than, it’s not helpful. It’s just toxic and you’ll fall right back where you were, you’ll feel bad. Fill your feed with the real, messy truth of motherhood. Follow the moms who show the laundry piles and admit they’re tired.
Healing from the Good Girl Syndrome
A lot of us grew up believing that being good meant being perfect, being quiet, and taking care of everyone else’s needs before our own. We were praised for being “little helpers” and “low maintenance.”
When we become moms, that good girl programming turns into a trap. Suddenly, we feel like we’re failing if we’re not the perfect mom, perfect partner, and perfect employee all at the same time.
Recognize your own dialogue
That voice telling you that you’re failing? It’s probably not your voice. It’s the voice of a critical parent, a demanding teacher, or a society that expects moms to be superheroes. Take a pen and a notebook and write what the voice is telling you. Write it all… after you wrote all of it, pause and try to think of where this voice came from and from who.
When the voice starts, talk back to it.
Critic: “You’re a bad mom for letting them have screen time today.”
You: “I am a smart mom for taking care of my mental health, so I do. One of the best things you can do for your kids is let them see you be human. When you mess up and apologize, or admit you’re tired and need a break, you’re teaching them it’s okay to be imperfect. a break, you are teaching them that it’s okay to be imperfect.
You’re breaking the cycle of perfectionism. That’s a way bigger gift to your kids than a perfectly clean house or a homemade organic snack.
Set boundaries with your family.
Sometimes the feeling of failure comes from outside pressure. Maybe your mother-in-law makes comments about how you’re raising the kids, or your own parents expect you to do everything the way they did.
It’s okay to say: “I respect your input, but we’ve decided to do it this way in our house.”
You aren’t failing if you aren’t meeting someone else’s arbitrary standards.
But please, look at it from your child’s perspective.
They don’t see the laundry. They don’t care that the toast was cut into the wrong shape. They don’t care that you failed to sign that paper.
They see the person who feeds them, who hugs them, and who is their entire world. To them, you aren’t “failing.” You are the center of their universe.
Put some of it down. You don’t have to carry the burden of the world and every single “should” on your shoulders.
Give yourself a break.
I really believe you’re doing better than you think.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and just need some real, no-fluff tools to get through the day, come hang out at Mom Creative Blogger. It’s a safe space for moms who are just trying to survive the toddler years without losing their minds.
Lower that bar all the way to the floor. Seriously, just drop it.
You aren’t failing if you aren’t meeting someone else’s arbitrary standards.
But please, look at it from your child’s perspective.
They don’t see the laundry and, they don’t care that the toast was cut into the wrong shape. They don’t care that you failed to sign that paper.
They see the person who feeds them, who hugs them, and who is their entire world. To them, you aren’t failing. The honnest truth is that you’re your hardest judge.
You are the center of their universe.
Put some of it down. You don’t have to carry the burden of the world and every single “should” on your shoulders.
This post was all about tips to get out of the phrase : I feel like a failure as a mom !
– Sarah
